Wednesday, April 27, 2016

L O N D O N


                The day this post gets published on the blog, will be my first full day back in Rhode Island in four months. How strange to think that I spent four months in a place so similar but still so completely different from home. As I am writing this, I am still in London and thus it is so weird to imagine how it will actually feel once I get back home.  I’m imagining that I will be feeling very strange, partially because I’m sure I will have jet lag, but also because I’ve just left my “home” that I spent four months of my life, and returned to my actual home, where I’ve spent the other 223 months of my life. So very bizarre. Isn’t it weird how after what was seemingly both a short span of time and also the longest four months ever (at certain points during the term) I could become so attached to a place? Do I necessarily feel attached to Roehampton, no. But I feel attached to the people I met here, as I said in my post a few weeks ago, and there are definitely places I feel a specific attachment to because of memories I had there.
                I think it is important to explain that I have always wanted to study in London, and I dreamt about it and the fact that I was lucky enough to study here is the most fantastic thing I have done with my life so far. I don’t want to sound like I’m flattering myself, but I am proud, I am very proud of myself for moving so far away from home, and being so successful at achieving basically what I set out to achieve in the first place. I cannot lie and say that these four months didn’t have some tough parts to them, because they certainly did. I was incredibly homesick for the first few weeks here, I found it hard to feel settled, but eventually I got into a routine. I found it hard to be away from all of the people I love so much, but I always kept in contact with them, and remembered that they all support me, they don’t want me to be having a bad time just because I miss them. Being away from everything that is normal to you forces you to create a new normal for yourself, it challenges you, and your independence. It also allows you to see how strong you actually are. There were definitely points in time where I felt like giving up, I remember during the first week, feeling anxious, and nervous and constantly thinking “I can’t do this, I need to go home”, which I actually did consider for a little while at the very start. I am however, very glad that I persevered. I wouldn’t be nearly as confident as I am now, if I had just gone back home. I have really learned so much while I have been here, about myself, and about the world. I know it sounds silly but I even feel like I understand what my position is in society right now, and what it could be if I work hard enough.
                Being in London on my own has motivated me to be better, than I feel I am right now, regardless of what people think of me right now (I’m talking personal image, people). I want to continue to push myself, to get out of my comfort zone. To experience new things all the time, and to never stop learning. To stay away from the rut and the bore of everyday life at home, by constantly doing thing that excite me. Why should they stop, just because I’m home? That’s all I’m saying…

                I really do love London, and I know that in a strange way I’ll always feel a sense of home here now that I’ve had this experience, but I am sure I am glad to be home now. I also know that I will return to live in London again, because I do love it that much and I can see a future for myself here. I plan to write a more in depth and “adventure” based post about London, and all the places I discovered while I was here. BUT for now I will leave you with this, my time in London has been the most strange, wonderful, challenging, beautiful, fun, stressful, scary, invigorating few months I have ever had… ever. Would I do a few things differently? Maybe, maybe not. It’s hard to say because I am not really sure whether it would change anything that much. Regardless I am so thankful and grateful for all of the time I have been able to spend here, and I look forward to returning… soon.
                                                                                                                                 Cheers!! xoxo

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